So you want to know about my investigators, huh?

OOOOOOkay! Sorry I've been a total failure at writing you guys but the last two p-days have been so crazy trying to fit everything in...I'm doing great! So you wanna know about all my investigators huh? Well...it's quite the interesting list but here it goes ;)

     C**** is an inactive member that lives in probably the scariest apartment ever...and I'll leave it at that. He has really bad memory problems so he doesn't ever follow through with commitments and is always coming up with excuses not to go to church or family home evening...so we've probably just gonna let the branch take care of him.

     Sister D****...we call her that because D***** is an internet preacher that is just an investigator. She thinks that she is a prophet and is always talking about how when she preaches to people she like blacks out because "THE HOLY SPIRIT IS UPON ME!!!" haha it's actually so hilarious going to go teach her because it literally take us like 30 minutes to teach the simplest principle because she feels that it's her obligation to teach US every time we come  over. She's way cool though and she's really nice about it...she's just gonna take some work.

     D*****...D***** is awesome. He's getting close to being baptized, he just has some Word of Wisdom problems. He is from Jamaica so yes, he is an ex-Rastafarian...which means that he and his friends smoke weed to "come closer to God" and feel that a verse in Revelations about God coming down with "red eyes" proves that God smokes weed...that was really interesting. But he's so cool and he's getting there.

     M** and J**** are probably our most open-to-the-Gospel investigators. J***** is M**'s son and he is about 25 or so...he is SO ready! He has SUCH good questions and really looks forward to us coming when we do. M** is pretty much just as excited and is really easy to teach because in her words she said, "I'm pretty much open to all religions...I just have to find the right one." and "Every time you come I get this warm feeling..." So yeah...they're gonna get baptized within a month haha :)

     J****...J**** is interesting because he's read the Book of Mormon before and said that he studied the Mormon church for a long time...he thinks that the Book of Mormon was just written by some guy and says that organized religion is something that man came up with. We've been explaining to him that this Church is the Church that Jesus set up when he was on the earth and he's starting to come around. We're trying to get him to church! Oh and also another funny thing about him is that he doesn't think that the Bible is true either and thinks that the King James version is way too altered to be considered readable. So instead...he reads the Apocrypha which are books of the Bible that aren't really important...you can read more about the Apocrypha in the Bible Dictionary but yeah...he reads that and the Book of Judas and this other book called The Other Bible as scripture...he's kinda weird but really interesting to talk to.

     *...* and * Jr. are a father and son that we met last week. He's a legally-blind hip-hop artist and he's way cool haha. We're trying to get him to read the Book of Mormon but it's kind of hard because of the whole...blind thing. But he says he can if he uses his really big magnifying glass.

     Sister P****...Sister P**** is actually a really active member but I just thought I'd tell you about her because she's so flipping cool haha...she's an ex-evangelical preacheress...so yeah...she's WAY exciting and is TOTALLY a stereotypical "PRAISE THE LORD" kind of black lady that stands in the front of the gospel choir singing Halleluja hahahahahaha :)

     Brother V******...he is also a really active member but he's so sweet. He's from Italy and he's this really old Italian guy that talks with his hands and sound like a totally stereotypical Italian guy...so yeah, just thought I'd throw him in.

     Uncle N****...Uncle N**** is an investigator and his real name is like Weiken Pavlikonovich or something totally Russian like that (that's totally not his real name I just made it up to prove my point...it's just way hard to say like that so that's why we call him Uncle N****) haha...he's from Yugoslavia I think and he's AWESOME! He takes us out for dinner like every time we go over and he and Brother V****** are like best friends now after like one visit haha it's so funny to hear them talk to each other because they both have so much energy and one is talking in a totally heavy Russian accent and the other is like broken English mixed with Italian hahaha It's awesome.

      So yeah...we actually have a TON more investigators and funny members but those are pretty much the most interesting :)

Thank you SO much for my package!!!! I loved it and everyone thought that it was hilarious haha :) Yes I live in an apartment with one other companionship. We drive a car everywhere and just this week I was made the designated driver so I have to drive everywhere...it's actually not that bad because I'm still in a pretty small town. I WILL eventually send everyone pictures and I'm going to try my hardest to do that today...I just forgot my camera at the apartment and we have to write emails in the library :/ Oh no I absolutely don't mind if you put my letters online...I think it'd be a good idea to replace the names of all my investigators with stars or just take them out all together so I'm not giving away personal information haha. 

But yeah...I hope that answers most of your questions!! EVERY stereotype I've ever had about different cultures...are true. haha :)

Ummmm...what else can I write about? I'm eating really well! We eat at a members house every Tuesday and Wednesday and also some other days! It's really gross though because I've been really blessed to live in such a clean house my whole life and haven't really been in many dirty houses just because most of my friends and most members' houses I've been to have been clean...but coming here is NOT like that. Almost every house we go to smells like hardcore cat pee and wet cigarettes..and those that don't are still like falling apart...

Well...I hope that this was a way better letter than the last two weeks but I gotta go! I love you all and think about you everyday!

-Your Missionary

Elder Stafford